Loveless Eyes?
by Grim-neji64
Summary: A story based on my life done through Naruto characters. School setting mainly. Rated M for smex, cursing, and other stuff. Yaoi  boyxboy  so no like dont read.
1. Prologue

Hello everyone this is me grim-neji64 bringing you my first fic its based on my life so my friends are under alias' and they know which ones they are. Oh and in this fic neji and Hinata are NOT related and neither are Sasuke or Itachi but that might change.

Rated M for a reason yaoi(boyxboy), smut in future chapters, angst later on, and other items along with it. Enjoy! Ja ne!

Note: I am writing this fic for myself so it doesn't matter whether you want to leave a review or not I will continue writing.

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Fourteen years he endured it fourteen out of his sixteen years of being alone, teased, ostracized, and being beaten down among other things. Personally, he was glad he was going to high school finally and far from his home as well where he can start over and hopefully make new friends. He also wanted something he wanted since sixth grade but he didn't know until the summer of his junior year. He honestly didn't want to fall in love again not after what had happened when his class found out he liked Matsuri and all of her friends teased him for it. No, he didn't want it he just wanted to make his sister Temari and his brother Kankuro proud of him for his hard work yet no matter what they always had something critical to say whether it was is appearance or his grades. To be honest he was sick of it, of the criticisms and of the whispers he heard.

It was mid-August the dog days of summer and thank god that Gaara was in the house with the A/C on full blast he honestly couldn't stand hot weather it made him irritable. He was thinking back on this school year and how it was finally over when his mind kept flickering to a certain person that waved to him as he went home on a nice, sunny May day. He couldn't get his mind off of the smile, every time he thought of his smile Gaara couldn't help but smile. Nejis smile was so nice and so sexy he couldn't keep his mind off of him the image just filled him with joy and made Gaara feel so safe as if nothing could go wrong. A couple of days after the thought popped into his mind he was in shock, _"I… I'm… gay…" _

Well it certainly explained why when girls tried to flirt with him he would turn them down in a second. But it raised two more pressuring questions, _"Does he feel the same way to me? How will I tell my siblings that I like guys?"_

Yes those were very pressuring questions that invaded him the rest of the summer and that wouldn't leave him alone at all. The next couple of weeks were a blur to him as he got ready to go back for his most important year in high school his junior year. He arrived there an hour early so he wandered around the park across the street for a bit. He went back to the school after twenty minutes and waited. It wasn't long before he saw his close friend Ten-Ten get out of her father's car and walk down to the school steps. When she got closer they both wave at each other and talked about their summers. Soon after he saw her boyfriend Lee and he kissed Ten-Ten. It wasn't long before he saw another close friend of his Hinata walking with Shikamaru and he noticed that the both of them were blushing hard. He decided to let them tell what was going on and it wasn't long before he saw Kiba his other gay friend walk to him.

He asked Lee and Shikamaru if he could talk to their friends and they said sure. They walked to the park and he told them that he was gay. They all at first said ''WHAT?'' but they accepted it after all the girls were bisexual and Kiba was gay. He asked Kiba to stay behind a bit and he told Kiba how he found out. The ironic thing was that Kiba knew ever since Gaara first walked in the school that he was gay. This came as a surprise to Gaara because at that time he liked Hinata but was too scared of her now current ex-boyfriend. But now things had changed and many things were different in the space of two years. Gaara had grown both inside and outside and so had everyone else some more so than others. He wanted to tell Neji right away but he was scared to so after he had gotten home he went on to MyFace and sent him a message telling him he was gay and he wanted to talk to him. Neji soon sent a message back a day later and they arranged the date. Neji said don't ditch and Gaara said I will not.

It wasn't long before Friday the 18th came. The time that Gaara had waited left him really nervous since he didn't know how to put the words in correctly. Then it wasn't long before they came out at 2:15. Gaara went by the swings yet he didn't see Neji. He heard his name and Gaara turned around and saw Neji and Gaara blushed with embarrassment not because he was facing the wrong way but because he had two of his friends with him. It also turns out that they were also waiting for their friend to get out as well. When the friend came Gaara recognized her as a girl from his grade and said hi. It wasn't long before Gaara asked the girls to give him a minute alone with Neji and Neji agreed. The girls went off in a direction and left the two of them alone. After a short ten seconds of uncomfortable silence, Gaara finally stammered out, "N-Ne-Neji there's s-something I-I have t-to t-te-tell you. I…I really l-like you a lot a-and I was w-wo-wondering if y-you like m-me the s-sa-same way."

At first Neji was stunned that Gaara the silent broody and possibly psycho kid was first gay and second had a crush on him. After a short moment Neji said, "Gaara, even though we are friends I don't like you the same way and I don't think it will work out so let's just stay friends. Besides, I already have a boyfriend and I don't want to ruin it between me and him."

Even though Gaara was listening he heard something different the only part he heard was the fact that Neji already had a boyfriend. When Gaara heard that part his heart sank _"So, he already has a boyfriend… how much longer will I be cursed like this?"_

Neji then invited Gaara to join his friends and Gaara agreed not because he wanted to be with him a bit longer but because he was lost in his melancholy thoughts and he wanted to take his time going home today so he can fix his face to mask his sadness and disappointment. They all walked to the library and met Nejis boyfriend who Gaara thought he's nice. He went home alone with his heart full of disappointment and sadness though he didn't show it to Temari or Kankuro.

****

Wow, sad prologue huh? Poor Gaara already has to deal with so much in the love department and the years just starting :(. I hope that it gets better soon.

Reminder: I am writing this fic for myself so if you want to review then go ahead if not your decision and I need a beta reader so I will ask for a couple (just in case one isn't available when I need them) just PM me and yea

Until another day,

Grim-neji64


	2. First Obsession and Break

_Hey everyone I know these updates are coming pretty fast but it's only because I'm on vacation and I have a ton of time to do this but they might be coming a bit slower since I'm going to start my college essay soon so please forgive and don't kill me._

_Warning: Rated M for future items in store (sex, cursing, other things). YAOI IS IN HERE, so don't like don't read simple._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, the characters or the creator (though I wish I did he's so sexy *drool*). Anyways, on with the story! Yosh!_

It had been a couple of weeks since he talked to Neji and Gaara was a bit down but he had found a silver lining. _"If Nejis boyfriend has been with him he'll probably dump him and I can go and quickly help Neji recover and increase my chances of becoming his boyfriend. Go me!"_

So for the next couple of months he looked on Neji's MyFace and despite the date that said Nejis and his boyfriend's anniversary which was 15 days AFTER Gaara found out his crush he still went on weekly just to see if it went bad. Little did Gaara know that his little crush was becoming an obsession. He continued doing his usual volunteering around the school and he signed up for the volleyball game against the staff.

He was resting his body after his game and he sat down next to his friend Konan and Eve. Konan then said to him, "So, I heard you are currently in love with a certain Mudkip".

Gaara understood the code and replied, "Yes I am. Why? You know I'm a Piplup."

Konan simply stated, "Mudkips and Piplups don't go together. I'm sorry Gaara its just not meant to be between the two of you."

Gaara didn't react to the statement at first but after when the students won against the staff and he was walking to the bus stop he let the cold air cool the hot tears streaming down his face as he walked through the park to the bus stop. Gaara was so angry for a couple of reasons 1.) Konan told him that Neji didn't like him and 2.) Neji didn't have the guts to tell him that himself. Gaara was more upset at the messenger than the sender at the moment so he took out his phone and text-yelled at Konan for telling him that.

After he got into his room, Gaara shut himself in and cried until he cried no more. Once he was done crying he became pissed at Neji because 1.) He told people that Gaara was gay and he didn't want them to and 2.) Not having the guts to go to the game and tell him himself. The second one hurt Gaara more because to him that meant that Neji was truly afraid of him. Gaara was tired of being feared by the school, all he wanted this year was to be loved like his friends Hinata and Shikamaru. He saw how happy they were with each other and he also saw Itachi and his girlfriend and how happy they were together.

Gaara wanted the same thing but at his current state he just wanted to be alone to try and heal. This only drove Gaara further to wanting to kill Neji and he was ready to. Nejis friend who also became Gaaras MyFace friend prevented him. Sasuke told Gaara over the phone that it would be no use killing him because then it would ruin Gaaras life for good. If it was one thing Gaara always feared it was messing up so badly that there would be no way to fix it. The next day Gaara texted Sasuke saying, _"Thank you for saving me from killing Neji."_ Sasuke replied back with, _"No problem."_

Soon after Gaara was back crushing on Neji from a much safer distance and he continued to talk to Sasuke. You can be safe to say that Gaara was happy again though not satisfied. Gaara began to warm up a bit to Sasuke as they continued texting throughout the next couple of weeks…

_I'm sorry for leaving this chapter so short but I want to show how Gaara went to try and fill the void in the heart after each break. Since it is based on my life I wanted to do it by progression and I think its coming along fine. Tell me otherwise readers._

_Gaara: -.-*_

_Me: what?_

_G: why am I even in this fic in the first place? _

_Me: cuz we had similar lives -.-*_

_G: but why me? Why not Naruto?_

_Me: cuzhes all bubbly and I'm more emo that's why!_

_G: *sand starts to swirl around him threateningly*_

_Me: O-O; *runs*_

_G: COME BACK HERE YOU BASTARD! SABAKU KYUU!_

_X-x_


	3. Second Occurrence

_Gomen ne but I have been really busy with school work and its hard to find time and lack of internet connection to get back here. But a lot has been going on with me graduating and getting ready to go to college and its just egh. If it wasn't for the circumstances I would have give you this chapter a whole lot earlier. TT_TT don't kill me please…_

_G: -glare-_

_Me:… yea?_

_G: get this up or die…._

_Me: O_O;;_

As Gaara continued to text Sasuke he tried so hard to get to meet him. But either the night before or right then Sasuke turned him down. Although Gaara was disappointed by this he still persisted. Eventually though, Sasuke slowly started to get irritated by Gaara and his annoying habit. It was only a matter of time before Sasuke exploded on Gaara. However, it wasn't how it was to be. Gaara was on MyFace talking about the program Sasuke was going into when it happened. All it was was a simple criticism about how Sasuke couldnt do nursing work if they couldn't even see each other. For Sasuke it was the final straw. As Sasuke argued with Gaara on Nejis computer, it only got worse and worse. After that, Sasuke blocked Gaara on both his and Nejis MyFace; Gaara was of course pissed beyond anything. He thought to himself, _"How much longer will I be cursed with this life? How much longer will it be before anyone loves me for who I am?"_

It was a cold January day when the explosion had happened. It had been almost a month since then and Gaara still was upset. This was of course noticeable amongst his friends. He wanted to be alone almost all the time, and when he came home he isolated himself in his room and just stopped thinking. It only got worse at night when he cried himself to sleep in his pillow. It honestly didn't help when Valentine's day came around and he was left alone AGAIN for the 16th year. As Valentines day rolled through he was there watching as everyone gave something to the ones that they loved. To him, it felt as if they were kicking him in his jewels while he was already on the ground. He thought desperately, _"I need to be with someone badly, I want to feel loved. Im tired of being the only one left out I want to be included. At this point, all I want is love from someone who cares about me from the heart not from the mind. I want us to be together for a long time if not forever."_

However, little did Gaara know that his prayers would be answered but for the shortest time.

_**Sorry I would write more, but I just love to leave you guys in a cliffhanger. Lol jk Im actually thinking of how to write the next chapter even though I know what happens, its actually writing it ima have trouble with. And im sorry that this is so short. Ah well, that's all for now. Until next time! ^^**_

_G: …_

_Me: what?_

_G: about damn time you finished…._

_Me: what you mean?_

_G: …_

_Me: …….. well that's all for now! BYE BEE! ^w^_


	4. Third times the Charm?

_Im sorry my faithful readers but I have been really busy doing applications for college and other college related stuff. But im back from the dead (relatively) and im back with a new fire! Also, I decided to get this up before im tied up to be forced to listen to it's a small world for 24 hours O_O;; so yea…._

…_Anyways, on with the story!_

**Third times the charm?**

As time passed Gaara just kept going down to a point where even Temari and Kankuro noticed that he wasn't his usual self. They tried to talk to him but it was no use. When they tried all Gaara said was nothing. His grades slipped but he didn't care one bit about it. All he wanted was for his wish to come true and to keep that wish for a long time.

But little did he know he would have it come true for the shortest amount of time. It happened in early march during his time isolated in his room. Honestly with the new laptop kankuro and temari got him only isolated him more and only helped him in keeping contact with all of his friends. But this time something was different. Although he was talking online, he was talking more and more to a certain person. As they talked gaara grew to know like and kinda maybe… love kimimaro. They continued to talk and soon gaara found that kimimaro held the same feelings for him. As soon as gaara found out, he was so elated that they had the same feelings for each other. Never had gaara felt like this in so long just the pure joy of having something you long for. Yet, even then, gaara didn't want to ask him out partly because he didn't know how to ask anyone. Sadly, that is what sixteen years of isolation does to you. He was about to ask kimimaro but kimimaro imed him:

Bones _fetish: _hey_

Sandyemo:_ hey_

Bones_fetish: _…I wanna ask you something…._

Sandyemo: _what? o.0_

Bones_fetish: _do you….._

Bones_fetish: _wanna…. Marry me?_

Gaara froze when he saw the words marry me; he didn't know what to say to that. Al of the thoughts in his head spun around as he put it all together in his head. _"He… he actually wants to be with me? Is the curse upon me finally over? Or is this just another thing to get my hopes up only to be crushed again? Maybe I should take this chance I don't know when the next time will come so I'll do it."_

Sandyemo: _…idk what to say to that ur the first to say this to me ./._

Bones_fetish: _… do you? :/_

Sandyemo:_ …yes I do want to be with you :D –kiss-_

Bones_fetish: _really? :D i-I can t believe this this is so amazing!_

Sandyemo:_ … te amo kimimaro :)_

Bones_fetish: _yo tambien te quiero mucho_

Sandyemo: _yo necesito a dormir. Buenas noches miamor_

Bones_fetish: _noches pero antes tu se va a dormir yo quiero mirar su cara._

Gaara froze in slight fear and excitement as kimimaro said that. He knew that if one wanted to see his true face, they had to have a webcam. Gaara did have a webcam but he was frightened of what kimimaro might say but as gaar was about to type his answer kimimaro sent one first:

Bones_fetish: _dont worry im not that good looking either._

Sandyemo: _.. but you do look good I look like crap compared to you_

Bones_fetish: _im not that good compard to you tho… so you wanna go webcam?_

Sandyemo: _… sure_

Right away he got an invitation to go webcam and gaara accepted. What he saw on the screen was amazing and strangely alien to him. He had white long hair cascading down and on his forehead were two dots on it rested. Green questioning eyes gazed at him as his own aqua green eyes stared back. In general, kimimaro was amazing to him. Honestly even though he did look plain looking, to gaaras eyes he was like a god. Although kimimaro didn't speak to him on the camera, he still felt a great connection between them.

After five minutes though, gaara had to say goodnight to kimimaro. Although he was disappointed, he was still happy he saw his love. He finally was able to sleep contentedly like he hadn't had in a long time.

_aww such a happy ending ^-^well sadly as the sadistic author I am I must end the happiness soon muahahahahaha XD well anyways im going to TRY to be faster with my postingsbut I cant make any promises. For now ttfn_


	5. True Heartbreak

_Im back from my short time away from you guys and sorry about the last chapter since it went in purely unedited and I didn't check it over since I put it during school time on the slow laptops. Anyways, Im back from my life here to bring another twisted chapter of LE? ! So lets get on with this! Oh btw, Im taking my time with this one because I want to explain what happens as this story goes on so then there are little questions._

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When Gaara woke up to his alarm the next morning, he felt like he was on top of the world. He finally had a boyfriend and finally his curse seemed to have lifted off of him finally. All the years of being ostracized and of being alone he finally felt the very thing he wanted in return. He felt loved and to him, it was the absolute best feeling in the world. When he got to his school, he told all of his friends and they were happy some and others skeptical. During classes, he didn't pay attention (as usual) but he was happy this time and there was no way that anyone could have taken it away from him.

However, it was a different story when he got home. He logged in as usual to his precious Harley-Stewart laptop and on to MyFace. He looked at his relationship status and smiled but frowned a fraction of a second later. He noticed something was missing and he knew what it was. He looked at his friend requests and saw one from a person with a VERY similar name to his now hidden boyfriend. He accepted first and then he tried to look for his boyfriend through the search friends but nothing. It didn't take him long to realize that the other one was his Kimimaro just that his MF was different. He typed to him _"Im glad that I know its you hun you ok?"_ He kept on but nothing no reply, no chat, nothing. When Gaara went to bed, he felt dead inside; no reply from Kimimaro and he was blocked from the original one as well. Devastation held his mind as he drifted into his nighmares.

****

The dream was horrible all he heard through his head were the words '_he doesn't love you. He wanted to use you but you're too far for him to use. You're not worth it to him. You're not worth it to anyone. Maybe it was better to off yourself before you got into this. You're pathetic.' _ Gaara woke with a start as his alarm went off signaling him for another day in his prison of a school. To be honest, he really did not want to go anymore he just wanted to stay home and just act like nothing ever happened. He wanted to stay there all alone, he preferred that to having to his his friends suck face in front of him. To him, it seemed like everyone out there wanted to either taunt him non-verbally or just not know him. He only wanted one simple thing, but yet it looked like everyone wanted him not to get what he wanted just like the runt is pushed away from the mother.

He got up and shut the alarm off and despite his wishes to stay home he needed to go today. When he walked into the bathroom, he looked at his reflection. It gazed back at him with red puffy eyes. '_I look like crap today' _he commented to himself as he undressed and showered. He turned the hot water on and he just let it fall on him as he thought and thought to himself. He got out of the shower and did his usual routine before he left. He honestly didn't want to go to school since most of his crushes go there so he definitely wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone that day. Even all of his friends noticed and try to pry about it. _'I knew I shouldn't have gone today. I forgot that they're nosy as well. So troublesome.'_ he thought as they tried to find out why he was being not his usual self.

Never was Gaara was so annoyed as he was today as they all tried to pry answers out of him. They forgot that if he doesn't want to talk he becomes a clam and they wont be able to get a word out even if they tried various torture methods. All he wanted was to be alone yet did they comply with the killing silence? No, they just kept on pressing on about the issue. It was only a matter of time before he exploded. 'THAT'S IT. IM TIRED OF YOU GUYS PRESSING ON ABOUT MY PRESONAL PROBLEMS. I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE BUT NO YOU JUST KEEP ON AND ON. LEAVE ME ALONE!' he finally screamed at the top of his lungs. All of them stood in silence. They had never seen him lose his cool like that. Finally done, Gaara stalked off to release his anger and frustration.

****

_Damn such a rough time in here o.0 well this is my life im talking about but still it was hard for me during that time. Don't worry it may suck at this point but it definitely will get better. As most of these stories it has a happy ending and im deciding if I should put the lemon in the last chapters. I will put a poll to see if you want it or not (im guessing it's a yes most likely but its best to be safe.) the poll will close once I put up my next chapter so VOTE before I put my next one up!_

_Best wishes,_

_Grim-neji 64_


	6. Recovery?

_Well im back after a short time and I know they are coming much quicker than before but its only because I have more time to spare and so I decided to write and if im bored enough, draw. Also, im keeping all of the files on me so I can type just about anywhere and not worry about having to type and lose it to a virus (which I nearly did lose the previous chapters , thank god for anti-virus for saving my files). So anyway, on with the story!_

_AN: if anyone didn't speak Spanish in the other chapter I said I love you; I love you too I want you; I need to sleep goodnight my love; before you go off I want to see your face. Yes that is the translation and I know it is since I am Spanish. Now on with the story!_

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When Gaara got home, he didn't feel too well. After all who wouldn't after figuring out for yourself that a person broke up with you and didn't let you know. Yet gaara had the best poker face around so at first glance he didn't look like he was hurt he looked like shikamaru did in math class. But when he went into his room, he lost it. By the time he was done, his knuckles had bruises and his bed was messed up and his room even looked more chaotic than usual. He just cried after that; he had never felt so hurt as he did then and the pain wasn't physical yet it felt like his heart was stabbed and it was ripping in two. He didn't know what to do at all. He felt lost, hopeless, he was starting to fall into a hole that couldn't be covered up, dug in, or filled but with one thing. Yet that one thing was the thing he wanted most and that thing was what was causing him all of this pain. The bed embraced him as he curled into a ball and cried himself to sleep.

Gaara woke to the sound of his alarm going off and he grumbled to himself in his head _"I really don't want to go today, I just wanna be alone. I think its best that way, less people to deal with and away from the prying…. I don't feel so good now…"_

Gaara ran to the bathroom and emptied the remains of last nights dinner which wasn't much since he definitely wasn't hungry then. As he tried to stand, his stomach cramped up and the pain sent him straight back to bed. Kankuro and Temari woke up later and woke him up cooing "You're gonna be late Gaara. Time to go to school."

"I don't feel so well my stomach hurts"

"Stay home then" they both said as they left for work and left him in the house. Gaara went back to a fitful sleep and kept tossing and turning as if he was on a boat. He was glad that this little wish came true but he realized that he felt even more alone and isolated. He thoughtfully said to himself, "Maybe I shouldn't have thought that last night. Now I regret staying home." He stayed in the living room and just played the new x-station3 that they bought until he got bored which came very quickly. He went back to his room and then went to his usual websites. But yet despite the normal façade, he felt as if he was being eaten by acid from the inside.

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_Well theres youre satiated thirst for emoness and angst but don't worry the love and Naruto will appear within the next couple of chapters. Next time on LE? It's a one sided kibaxgaa (take a guess on who is the one crushing) ja ne!_


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